That brambleness
Recently, I found myself experiencing a renewed perspective. Not the luminous bird’s eye view on life, or the awe and wonder of big things from the worm’s eye one… But a brambly view.
Thorny, uncomfortable, angular and messy. Messy as that world outside, but just as much on the inside. One where there is not much view at all, to say the truth.
Sometimes, life wants us to sit in the brambles. And we can scream and yell, but we are still there, because of this or that.
So we might as well explore around, even if there is not much leeway or view. But still a world of colour hidden in that understated world.
In the middle of a recent moment of burn out, where I felt completely lost, I closed my eyes to truly see: I looked inside, and even if that view didn’t look great either, I looked deeper, and deeper.
Unplugged from the noisy world, not trying to look around for inspiration about how to lead my life or career or thoughts. There was a lot of brambleness to visit.
I remembered an happy past where I used to paint just to digest life. And that’s what I started to do again .. Shily at first, then a new world started to appear: it was messy, angry and scared. But I kept going.
Painting for myself: gesture, texture, space, simple shapes. On the canvas, I shed myself and listen, responding to what I see and becoming one with what I hear…my thoughts change form with the brushstrokes, I live in the colours.
I remembered in that time of life when big decisions needed to be taken after high school, I wanted to study for applied arts or book making. None of that came to fruition, but I think it’s important to look at those moments who speak to ourselves… about ourselves.
I am in the process of exploring my inner brambles, an invitation from life to shed so many beliefs, perceived things, expectations, cultural influences… and however thorny, it is building intention and rich soil, discovering a forgotten self with a DIY road that is, for the good and bad, far from the trodden path.
Brambles thrive on forgotten places, and we need to cultivate our inner lands.
However hard the soil and lonely the job, however many brambles to clear and side tracks to go through… it is the only way to make space for the view that our soul has dreamt for us, the one we can call home.